HUMOR [2006-2020]

[zceyee]

Zkusebni jizda po vymene oleje? To snad ne, na chvilku nastartovat mozna. Jsem tedy asi žena, kafe mi ale neudělaj a stojí to jednou tolik.

[straspol]

To je to kouzlo. Zkušební jízda Tě samozřejmě střízlivého nenapadne...

[beeman]

[African]

Dobrej borec :-)

[Hardslimer]

Ale ta zmrzlina je hnusna.

[Tom4]

Nějak mi uniká to humorné?

[(z)denny]

Nějak mi uniká to humorné?

Bacha spoiler!! Ta zmrzlina je vlastně vzadu sedící tlustá baba v růžovém oblečení

Upraveno 24. března 2019 uživatelem (z)denny

[Tondaa73]

Bacha spoiler!! Ta zmrzlina je vlastně vzadu sedící tlustá baba v růžovém oblečení

Díky...ty moje voči...a brejle až v kuchyni...  

[Tom4]

To jsem pochopil, už to prozradil kolega o post nade mnou,

ale nějak v tom marně hledám humor.

Buď jsem starej nebo vám mlaďochům chybí vojna

 

a jeden k tématu abych nebyl OT

 

[Daemonultimate]

Z tohohle nic lepšího než ...vstupujte na váhu jednotlivě...asi nevykouzlíme. Ale cooo

 

[Frantik]

To jsem pochopil, už to prozradil kolega o post nade mnou,

ale nějak v tom marně hledám humor.

Buď jsem starej nebo vám mlaďochům chybí vojna

 

a jeden k tématu abych nebyl OT

 

2019-03-24 07.11.21.jpg

Mas recht, zato ?tvůj? humor je absolutní pecka :-)

[Tondaa73]

Mas recht, zato ?tvůj? humor je absolutní pecka :-)

Tak tak, a vojna mi nechybí už 27 let.

[Tom4]

Mas recht, zato ?tvůj? humor je absolutní pecka :-)

Ještě jsi neměl kafe po ránu nebo co že prudíš?

[Frantik]

Naopak vole, ja uz měl dvě :-)

[zceyee]

1 - How do you turn a fox into an elephant? 
You marry It! 
2 - What is the difference between a battery and a woman? 
A battery has a positive side. 
3 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... 
It's called a Wedding Cake. 
4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? 
Put a nipple on it. 
5 - Why do women fake orgasms ? 
Because they think men care. 
6 - What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? 
Nothing, she's been told twice already. 
7 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? 
Made her chain too long 
8 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? 
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. 
9 - Why do women have smaller feet than men? 
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
10 - Why do men pass gas more than women? 
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. 
11 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 
12 - Why do men die before their wives? 
Because they want to.

 

--------------------------------------

 

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." 

The older lady said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. 

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.
We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. 

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day. 

Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. 
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. 

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then. 

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a r azor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. 

But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. 

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the"green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. 

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? 

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.

Upraveno 24. března 2019 uživatelem zceyee

[Hardslimer]

Nějak mi uniká to humorné?

Tome, humorne je to, ze nekdo necha sve telo dorust do tak extremnich rozmeru. Bud to ma vykopane v hlave anebo je to american.

Co ale neni humorne je to, ze uz ti pul roku dluzim 12* Metaxu a jeste jsem se nerozhoupal ti ji poslat.......

Napis mi, prosim te, sz s adresou.

Vypada to, ze osobni setkani je na dlouhy lokte.

[beeman]

dobra, tak naprosto nehumorneho ;-)

 

[Honza.manta]

Jó, tak Moneypenny se povedla.

[OndraTce]

Jak jako povedlA? Není příliš politicky korektní takhle vulgárně zdůrazňovat příslušnost k pohlaví. I Moneypenny může v hloubi duše vnímat sama sebe jako třeba muže nebo i cokoliv jiného!

Mám pocit, že si tu někdo koleduje o veliké problémy!=)

[SCIFI]

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